The following is a column by my wife, Rabbi Rose Lyn Jacob, in this week's Culpeper Star-Exponent:
Happy 2023! Let’s all start off the year with a smile! ‘A smile can brighten the darkest day,’ the old saying goes, and we certainly have had some dark days this past year.
I haven’t taken smiling for granted since I developed Bell’s Palsy,’ a facial nerve paralysis that caused the right side of my face to droop, most notably my eye and right side of my mouth. The paralysis lasted for months, during which time it was impossible for me to smile. My seven-year-old found the condition so alarming that he implored me not to laugh, as this distorted my face even more. “Mommy, don’t laugh!” he entreated me, “You look like the Phantom of the Opera!” For someone known for her upbeat personality and smiling countenance, this was a game changer. Eventually, it passed. When I look in the mirror each morning, I am reminded what a gift the ability to smile is, especially when our mouths are hidden behind N95 masks!
Judaism has something to say about EVERYTHING, so why not SMILING? Smiling can be a natural instinct or a response to circumstances. So, what kind of important wisdom could the rabbis impart on the subject?
In a verse from the text Ethics of the Fathers we are advised to “Receive everyone with a cheerful face!” Elsewhere we are coaxed to, “Always be the first one to greet every person.” Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakai, a great rabbi and sage who led by example, taught “Never did I meet anyone in the street who greeted me before I greeted them.” And one of my favorite rabbinical takes on smiling relates to the expression “Why the long face?” comes from philosopher Rav Eliyahu Dessler “You are like a thief! You are depriving your fellow human beings of the pleasantness of a cheerful face!”
To smile is innately human. There is evidence that babies smile in the womb and infants respond to smiles by four months of age. Once they get the idea of cause and effect, an infant almost always reacts to a smile with a smile. I instinctively smile at every baby I see, especially in restaurants. Those smiles usually lead to a short session of Peek-a-Boo which both the infant and I find rewarding.
So, what’s in a smile that makes us feel so good? Biologically, we know that smiling is good for us. Smiling releases neuropeptides, tiny molecules that allow neurons to communicate. They facilitate sending messages to the whole body when we are happy, sad, angry, depressed, or excited. The “feel good” neurotransmitters dopamine, endorphins and serotonin are all released when a smile flashes across your face. A study published in the journal Neuropsychologia reported that seeing an attractive smiling face activates our orbitofrontal cortex, the region in our brain that process sensory rewards. When we encounter a smiling person, we actually feel the satisfaction of being rewarded. There are other things that release “feel good” neurotransmitters, like exercise, and I recently read a study that suggested a smile is as neurologically rewarding as 2,000 chocolate bars. I’ve begun my own research to verify this, and only have another 1,998 Hershey Bars to go.
A smile can communicate a diverse range of feelings. It can raise a glum mood or signal that an apology is accepted. A smile can be flirtatious, silently approving, it can boost self-confidence and light up a face. But what happens when we turn that smile upside down?
Have you ever wondered about UNSMILING people? In an interview in WIRED.com, Marianne La France, an experimental psychologist at Yale who has written a book on the subject of smiling, called Lip Service: Smiles in Life, Death, Trust, Lies, Work, Memory, Sex and Politics, was asked: “What is it about unsmiling people that is unnerving?” Her response? “People convey by their faces that they acknowledge us, that we’re alive, that we matter, that we are not just objects to be dispensed with.” After three years of masking, of walking around without receiving smiles of acknowledgement, of being like ships that pass in the night, reading Dr. LaFrance’s response gave me a better understanding of why masking is such a bummer.
And that, I believe, is what the rabbis were trying to get at. Smiling is not only a reward, but a gift, a God given gift and gifts are meant to be given away, not hoarded. Their sage rabbinical advice to future generations would be to take every opportunity for face-to-face interaction, in order to retain our humanity and not just use “emoticons” to express emotion, or avatars, in lieu of our real-life faces. They would caution us that while our world may be rich in communication devices, we are miserly when it comes to the gift of face-to-face communication.
We can do our bit to heal the psyche of our country by trying to smile with sincerity. Smile at your children, your spouse, your co-workers, your dog. In 2023, don’t let your smile be hijacked by pundits and politicians. I find it unnerving to be partway through a congenial conversation, only to see the smiles disappear as hostility seeps in.
Here’s wishing you and yours a happy, healthy, prosperous and safe 2023. Be kind to others, be gentle with yourself, share the gift you were given and smile, smile, smile.
