The following is my wife's column in the Culpeper Star-Exponent for 12 Feb 2021:
You know it has been a rough week when you find that your mental energy is divided equally between a Presidential Impeachment Trial and coverage of a Mutant Killer Virus Pandemic. Either could be turned into an interesting two-hour made-for-tv movie, but round-the-clock coverage of both has become unnerving and exhausting, with no respite in sight.
Broadcasters covering the trial now give us “trigger warnings” before graphic clips of rioters breaching the Capitol building, complete with strong, “unbleeped” language, and the parental caution that “the video includes images of violent behavior and may not be appropriate viewing for children...” YOU THINK? It is barely appropriate for adults! If WE are having nightmares over it, our kids, already in pandemic lockdown, are probably traumatized for life by scenes of grown-ups behaving badly.
How do you explain “grown-ups behaving badly” (GUBB) while viewing images of adults flaunting CDC guideline meant to keep Americans from spreading Covid-19? Try explaining to some kid why they can’t visit grandma, while events like drunken New Year’s celebrations or guacamole-dipping Super Bowl parties create their own “super spreader events.” Try rationalizing to a fourth grader that the current version of “freedom” in America is the right to not wear a mask, and the right to protest while brandishing firearms and beating up the police. Yes, adults can brandish firearms in the streets, in State Capitols, and in the United States Capitol while in session, but a kid can be arrested, tasered or expelled for bringing a toy gun to school.
Our kids are doing their best. They are trying to handle more burdens than their small shoulders can bear. They are stressed by isolation from peers, parental job loss, food “insecurity”… a fancy way to say they don’t know where their family’s next meal is coming from. Many have poor or no access to computers or internet service, making remote learning difficult or impossible. And directly, or indirectly, they have the fear of sickness or death hovering over them.
What is at stake here is the mental well-being of a generation that can no longer count on the “Golden Rule” to guide them. Doing unto others as you would have them do unto you is a two way street.
What ideas can you impart to your children, or the children in your life, that will carry them through this rough time in history, and build resiliency for their future? Here are a few pointers. Start with the simple statement that humans have the capacity to be good, although they are not ALL good. Human nature is basically good, but can be challenged in difficult times.
Next, morality needs to be taught by words and by example. In the past, we might have left this up to Sunday School teachers, but now it is up to us to model what it is to be moral. Focus on age appropriate examples of compassion and benevolence. Teach respect and courtesy, even if these currently are in short supply. Help them sift through the “right and wrong” of situations they are encountering. Discussions of right or wrong at a young age will develop into internal dialogues that may cause them to think ahead before making decisions. Many are the parents who have uttered the words, “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?” The implied response is, they weren’t. We can only hope that learning the skill of assessing right and wrong will lead to a sense of wisdom as adults.
We know the importance of vaccinating to give us resistance to the virus. Now let’s apply the same idea to our children by inoculating them with the strength and tools to develop moral, and emotional health.
And always, we must teach by example. Lyricist Stephen Sondeim, wrote these words for the musical, “Into The Woods.” I leave you with his guidance and his words, which are haunting but oh so true.
Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see and learn
Guide them along the way, children will listen
Children will look to you for which way to turn
To learn what to be
Careful before you say "Listen to me"
Children will listen
— Rabbi Rose Lyn Jacob, Syria Virginia Email Rabbi Jacob
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