Mothers

The folloing is the Mothers Day column by my wife, Rabbi Rose Lyn Jacob.

“When someone asks you where you come from, the answer is Your Mother!”-- Anna Quindlen

A Mother’s Day remembrance came across my in-box the other day. It’s author is a woman who is, herself, at this point in life, already a grandmother. She happens to come from a culture that also reveres motherhood. “Miss my Darling Mummy on this Mother’s day. Thank you so much for the wonderful memories you left with us - we love & cherish all the fun times we had with you and are still in awe of your generosity and love for all those lives you have touched. Love you and Miss you forever!! Till we meet again.” How fortunate to have had such a mother. How blessed to be remembered as such a mother.

We often place motherhood in a quasi “nostalgic bubble.” Or sometimes, we go the other direction. The humorist Erma Bombeck referred to Motherhood as the “Second Oldest Profession.” American mothers come in all shapes, colors, sizes and denominations, and cover a range from traditional birth mothers and adoptive mothers, to foster mothers, step-mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers and a myriad of maternal stand-ins. In our desire to heed Commandment number five, the directive from God to HONOR our mothers, we shower moms with cards, flowers, candy and gifts in recognition of Mom’s unconditional love and dedication which, hopefully, has helped shape our lives in a positive way. This year Americans plan to shower mothers to the tune of 36 billion dollars-worth of appreciation, according to the National Retail Federation.

Married partners may have a strained, or barely existing relationship with their own mother, or that oft maligned creature, the “mother-in-law;” but the biblical mandate is to HONOR not LOVE our parents. It may not be easy to accept that not all mothers are “perfect,” no matter how you define or imagine maternal perfection, and yet, we are still obligated to HONOR her. That can be shown in any number of ways, but most biblical scholars take it to mean making provisions for her care later in life, even if we don’t really wish to or can’t care for her ourselves.

The most important functions of motherhood are to provide love, stability, security, education and a variety of survival skills, like learning to use a can opener or a microwave oven, or how to forage for edible plants, as well as hunt, skin and prepare an animal for consumption!

In 2018, however, motherhood took a dark, dark turn. We never could have imagined that, in America, the very inviolate nature of motherhood would take a beating as it has at our southern border, where children, literally ripped from their mothers and detained, have yet to be reunified with their mothers or other family members. Some, detained under the age of five, have been lost in the system. U.S. born children of non-citizen parents, were also ripped from their mothers. As citizens, these children were placed in Foster Care, where they may be kept until the age of 18. All this to discourage illegal immigration to the U.S. during the Trump administration. The current administration has yet to untangle the mess, and families have yet to be reunited.

Starting in 2021, motherhood was again under attack, this time as collateral damage of the war between Ukraine and Russia. In the chaos of rapidly shifting borders Ukrainian children were separated from their mothers and shipped to Russia for “re-education” and permanent placement with Russian families. Some have been returned to their Ukrainian families, brainwashed and traumatized. Fierce fighting left many Ukrainian children orphaned, with no one to claim them. Other children have been “misplaced.” The mental anguish of war, forced relocation, and maternal separation will leave these children scarred for the rest of their lives.

We should never underestimate the importance of a mother in any life. The words of the Negro spiritual ring true in every generation, in every corner of the world:

”Sometimes I feel like a motherless child.

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child.

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child.

A long way from home, a long way from home.”