“Hello, Gary.” The turtle greeted me as I entered Rose's office. My wife wore a sly grin as she peeked at me from behind the puppet, bobbing the head up and down. “G, Gary, how are you today?” The turtle looked me right in the eyes as he asked the simple question. Before I could answer he shook his head back and forth inquisitively. “I'm fine, thank you.” I'm married to a comedian and a puppeteer. When she came back from Australia, customs asked what she had to declare. One might have expected a boomerang, or some exotic Aussie native carvings or spices. She declared “Four hand puppets.”
“Gaaary,” the turtle called. “I have a friend. Would you like to meet him?” “I would. Very much.” “Oh; oh good.” The other hand moved up slowly, exposing a tawny brown bunny. “Hello Gary. It's nice to meet you.” The bunny rocked gently fore and aft as he spoke, then stopped and looked directly at me. He had a pure, sincere look on his face as he looked me right in the eye, his head slightly cocked. “I've enjoyed living here, but the cats can be difficult. They like to paw at me.” “I'm sorry, bunny. I have no control over them.” “I understand, Gary, but maybe you could talk to them…?” His voice trailed off hopefully.
That was the end of our puppet session. I was on my way out the door. By the time I got home I was exhausted. I fell into bed and was quickly asleep, but I awoke in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. We have only one in the house, on the first floor, so I stumbled through the dark, gingerly negotiating the stairs. When I got to the bottom I noticed Rose had left the lights on in her office. I reached in to turn them off. “Gaaary.” You're supposed to know when you're awake. Being conscious of dreaming is another thing. Turning off the light, I stumbled to the dark bathroom and found my way to the padded bench. There had been a time when I had the situational awareness to flip on the light. Now I stared into the dark. “Gaaary. Why did you turn off the light? Come back. We miss you!” My wife wasn't in the office, but the bunny was talking — or was it the turtle? I slipped down onto the floor. I was going to sleep right there until sunrise. “Gaaary — please.”
I was shaking. Crawling out to the hallway, into the office, I reached up and flipped on the lights. The turtle's head began moving side to side, then down until it found me. “What are you doing down there, Gary? Come up here and play.” This time Rose had gone too far. I don't know how she had brought these puppets to life, but it was creepy. “What do you guys want?” “We're lonely,” the Rabbit whined. “But how can you talk without Rose?” “She's lucky we talk when she's around,” he turtle giggled. Does the Koala talk too?” “No. She's a snob.” "I thought they were cute and cuddly." "You've been watching too many old Quantas commercials on youTube." "You guys know about youTube?" ""Of course. We have to do something when Rose leaves us all alone. It would be nice if she took us with her. We could spice up her lessons." "Sure, I said."
I heard steps behind me. “Who are you talking to?” “Nobody,” I told my wife. "I just came down to use the bathroom."
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